i have a confession to make...

My daughter is a bully. There. I said it.

She hits, pinches, pulls hair, and generally stares down kids that come into her path. We've tried timeouts, and have been known to leave playdates early when it gets really bad. But she's still "THAT" girl. You know the one. You can't turn your back for a second at the library because she'll conk your kid in the head for no reason. Or push your kid down on the playground. Or pinch a "friend." I feel like I need to get one of these for her.My friends assure me that this is "normal" for her age and that it doesn't reflect on our parenting. But how can it not? I'm sure people think we beat her at home...where else would she learn these behaviors? I swear that we don't. We're just as baffled as the average passerby.

I know that she likes to test me, and often hits when she knows that I'm looking. I understand that she's trying to get a response out of me, and well, it works. But I feel like we give her so much positive praise and attention. Why does she seek negative attention too? As a teacher, I worry that this will carry over into the school years and she'll be a kid who is annoying and has no friends. AAAAAHHH!!! I know that I'm getting ahead of myself, but that's how my mind works.

I wish everyone could see the beautiful, funny, kind girl that we see at home when there are no other kids around. The girl who {sometimes} shares her snacks with Mama, the girl who sings songs with me, the girl who curls up in my lap to read books, the girl who gives unsolicited hugs and giggles from that place deep within her belly. THAT girl is the real Emerson. But where does she go when there are other kids around?

Fortunately, I have good friends who still invite us around, even when my child has tried to strangle theirs. For that, I'm eternally grateful. But any advice on the issue would be greatly appreciated.

NO!!

She may be (almost) 21 months, but the Terrible Twos are here. She's bossy, devious, and pushes the limits at every chance. She throws tantrums ALL the time when things aren't going her way. And NO is her favorite word. In fact, when she woke up from her nap today, that was the first thing she said. Not in response to anything, mind you, but that was what was on her mind as she reentered consciousness. "No!"

What happened to Little Miss Sunshine????? Bring her back, please!

down

I don't know what's wrong with me lately. Admittedly, I'm in the midst of my bi-annual sinus/allergy hell, but that's nothing new. I just don't feel like doing anything fun. Normally, I love scrapbooking, running, even hanging in the blogosphere, but lately, I have no energy for anything other than sitting on the couch after Em goes to bed. I have even been carrying a magazine around for about a week, but can't force myself to read it. And it's a scrapbooking magazine, for goodness sakes! I don't like this feeling. Spring is here. The weather is FINALLY getting warm. I should be singing from the rooftops. But instead, I'm feeling like a lump. And I don't like it.

As a way to kick myself in the butt, I've been thinking of 3 ways that I'm blessed every night before bed. And of course, I always come up with way more than three. That does make me feel a bit better. But it's still not enough to get me out of my funk. Sigh.

I need to figure out a way to have a little pick-me-up and SOON!!

Sorry for my downer of a post. But the one thing that I'm good for is honesty, almost to a fault. And this is just where I'm at right now. It'll blow over and all will be right again soon.

Make it a good week~

thank you for being a friend...

Here's a random factoid about me: I've seen every episode of the Golden Girls. In fact, I've seen most of them many, MANY times. In college, I was known to watch it 4 times a day. Suffice it to say that I'm a big fan. And today, we lost another Girl. Bea Arthur, who played the witty, sarcastic Dorothy. She was 86.

I know she's up there with her "Ma," Estelle Getty having some laughs. Bea, you will be missed.

a Project 365 update

I haven't been posting my Project 365 pictures lately, not because I haven't been taking them, but because , well, I don't really know. But here's a few from the last few weeks.

These plantain chips from Trader Joe's are my current obsession. They're salty, crispy, and almost like a thick potato chip. My friend Nirvana got me hooked at a scrapping weekend last month, and I can't stop. And for $1.69 a bag at TJ's, who can resist?

The potty has been front and center lately. We're not potty training, per se, but when we're in there, she sits on it and is very interested in seeing what goes in the "big poppy" when we're done. She also loves the flush. Ah, to be that easily amused :) Tonite, she made pee on her potty for the first time. Who knows when this will happen again, but it's pretty cool. And kind of sad too. One more way my little girl is growing up.

We hit the zoo last Friday and Em took her first spin on the carousel. She LOVED it! I should have taken a picture of the sad pouty face she put on when she found out we had to get off.

Emerson does not sleep in the car. Ever. Period. 5 hours to visit friends in Iowa...no sleep. 2.5 hours to the Dells...no sleep. She just doesn't do it. But for some reason, she conked out for 6 minutes on the way home from playgroup last Tuesday, and I had to get a picture. Don't worry, I was @ a stoplight. The downside to this little catnap...that was IT for naps for the day. Boo!


That's a glimpse into what we've been up to lately. Tomorrow it's supposed to be in the 80's, so we'll be outside all day! Hope you have a good weekend~

urgent: prayers needed!!

Hi all,

A college sorority sister and fellow blogger needs your prayers. Megan's youngest son, Henry, is just a few months younger than Emerson. He was just diagnosed with virual meningitis and is in the PICU. So scary. Please read her blog http://bauerfamilyof5.blogspot.com/ and send your prayers her way.

Oh, and go hug your kiddos, K?

a.

a vast improvement

Several of you have asked about our sleeping situation...thanks for asking! We are MUCH better these days. After 5 or 6 days of hysterical screaming at nap and bedtime, Emerson decided that it's much more relaxing to just snuggle up with her "buddies"...AKA Mickey & Minnie...and drift off to sleep. And her Mama and Papa couldn't agree more. It's such a relief to have that behind us. And, Em has woken up twice in the middle of the night in the last few days, but we didn't have to go in AT ALL!!! So it's already paid off for us.

An interesting side effect: her afternoon naps have gotten shorter, from 3 down to 2 hours, but she's sleeping 11 hours overnight and wakes up b/w 7 & 7:30 am. For a girl who spent the early part of 2009 waking b/w 5-6:30, this is amazing! In fact, I got to sleep in until 7am both days this weekend.

{I DO realize that "sleep in" and "7am" should NEVER be used in conjunction with one another, but this is progress, people!}

All in all, this was one of those difficult times where we had to "parent" as opposed to just being her caregivers. While it was initially hard on all of us (and anyone who lives w/in earshot of our house!), we knew we were doing the right thing for our girl.

Here's a parting shot of Herself holding court in her bed after a nap one day last week. She, like her Papa, likes to hang in bed for a while after waking up. She loves to read books, jump around (a bad habit to break another day), and dance to the radio in her crib. (Jeff just likes to try to go back to sleep when he's hanging in bed.)

Make it a good week~

a.

dress up, sort of

Last week, when we were baking the lamb cake, we took a break while it was in the oven and headed upstairs into the depths of Grammy's closet. Emerson has been fascinated by my earrings lately, but she can't wear them because they're for pierced ears. My mom has kept all of my Gram's enormous jewelry collection, and because she never pierced her ears, they are perfect for Em. Not only that, but they're big and bright and busy and generally perfect for a little girl with a big imagination.

The look on Emerson's face as she saw her reflection was indescribable...a mixture of pride and awe and sass and instant love of accessories. I'm SO thankful that we were able to share this impromptu dress up session with my mom, and in her own way, my Gram was there too.

Happy Easter!

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

From our family to yours, Happy Easter!

the BEST morning

Ever since I heard the words "it's a girl," there have been certain images that I've had stuck in my head and experiences that I've been looking forward to doing. One of those is baking with my daughter and my mom. Now, before you get upset that I'm being gender-biased, I'll say that I'm SURE I would bake with my son if I had one, but there's something about us girls being in the kitchen together that is special. And today, for the first time, the three of us baked a cake. Not just any old cake, mind you. We made our traditional Easter lamb cake.

I was a bit unsure how long Emerson's attention span would be. But early on in the process, we let her have a bowl of flour and some spoons, and she was hooked. {You'll notice that we were at Grammy's house...Mama probably wouldn't have been so generous with the flour!} We were all able to do our parts and we each had a wonderful time too.

Measuring the flour

Em added the eggs to the batter. PLOP!

Grammy got the lamb mold ready for the batter.

Herself was WAY into the flour, both literally and figuratively.

A bit of clean-up to do! She had about a 1/2 cup of flour in the cuffs of her jeans!

Helping Grammy fill the mold.

Very carefully removing the cake from the mold after baking.

After tasting the crumbs, Emerson declared it to be "Mmmmm...YUMMY!!"

After the rough times we've had around here lately, it was WONDERFUL to have such a perfect morning. May this be the first of many hours spent with my 2 favorite girls in the kitchen!

make. it. stop.

If you could hear the screams coming from our house (as I'm sure half the neighborhood can because my windows are open), you'd call DCFS.

I want to cry. Come on, Muffin Girl. GO. TO. SLEEP.


She's PO'd at me because she really wants to play outside. The fact that I promised her that we'd go out later didn't cut it. She's laying in bed screaming "ah-DE-dah!!! ah-DE-dah!!!" {That's how she ways outside. If it weren't so loud, it'd actually be kind of cute.}

As you can surmise, it's going well here.

Ugh.

Make it a good day~

well...

...She woke up @ 3:30 and was up until 5:30 this morning. Not screaming, but not sleeping either. And since our bedrooms share a wall, no one got much sleep. Ugh.

Naptime today consisted of 2 minutes of screaming followed by 36 minutes of moaning, chanting, wailing, and whining. And then 2 1/2 hours of quiet, blisssful sleep.

Bedtime tonite was 30 seconds of loud crying ( a VAST improvement from screaming, if you can believe that!) and 20 minutes of whimpering. I guess you'd call this progress. Talk to me @ 4am tomorrow before I comment on that one.

On another note, we did an Easter egg hunt in our yard on Saturday. My neighbor was making fun of me for doing it a week in advance, but given the 2 inches of snow (#@*&!!!!!) that we had this am, I think it was smart to get out and do it. I was thinking about my own egg hunting days and don't remember ever doing one @ home. All the memories I have are in my grandparent's yard in Lighthouse Point, FL. There'd be eggs sunk in the bottom of the pool and hidden on the dock and in the boat, as well as in my grandpa's "Garden of Eden." My cousins Amy, Vinnie, and Joey and friends Ryan & Theresa and I would scramble and claw at each other to get those blasted plastic eggs. Ah, fun times...

Back to the point...here are some pics from Em's first egg hunt. Enjoy~

update

49 minutes. But she's out.

I'm off to have a drink...

please give me strength

As I type this, I am listening to my precious daughter scream bloody murder. "MAMA!! MAMA!!! MMMAAAAAMMMMMAAAA!!!!" over and over and over again. My heart is literally breaking.

Let me back up a bit. We've been having trouble with Emerson waking during the night and then thinking that it's playtime when Jeff or I go in there to settle her back to sleep. Last weekend, she was up from 4-6am (in fact she never went back to sleep) on Sat/Sunday night and then from 10pm -3am on Sun/Monday night. Bedtimes and nap times have been getting tougher and tougher as she's fighting them tooth and nail and we've finally put our foot down. We're reclaiming control. And our plan is the cold turkey method. We aren't going in AT ALL once we put her down, no matter how awful she sounds and no matter how long she screams. I'm not entirely sure that this is the best method as Jeff and I both HATE it, but I don't know of any alternatives, so this is where we stand.

This effing sucks, let me tell you. To hear my sweet girl screaming for me over and over is physically excruciating. I wanted to throw up yesterday afternoon. I was crying, she was crying, Jeff was pissed. Awesome. He went for a walk in the blustery cold this afternoon instead of staying here and listening to her wail. The only thing that is comforting me is that the wailing seems to be getting shorter and shorter. Yesterday's nap was epic...we went in a few times (just made things worse when we left again) and then she wailed for an hour after the last time I was in there. Bedtime last night was a cinch...she was so tired from a. getting up at 5am and b. exhausting herself at nap time, so she only cried for 12 minutes. Today's nap took 35 minutes to get settled in. Right now, we're at 18 minutes and counting, but she's mellowing a bit. She launched her binky (she's NEVER slept without it!) about 2 minutes into her crying fit, and I want to go give it to her, but I know that she'll soon figure out that tossing the bink is a surefire way to get us in there. Crap.

I'm hoping that this retraining works quick and that peace can soon be restored to our home.

Ugh. Parenting is hard. {I know those of you with teenagers are laughing at that one, but this is where we're at right now!}

I did it all by myself!

Did'ja ever tackle a complicated task, knowing what the end result should be, but not really knowing what the heck to do in order to get there? I have spent several (precious!!) hours of naptime this week fiddling with the default email setting on my computer. I don't really know what I did, but I "fixed" it and am now able to click on a CONTACT US type link on a website and send email again.

{My hard drive is almost full, so a few months ago, in an effort to create space, I deleted a bunch of programs including MS Outlook, which was my prior default email program. What a pain in the @$$!!!}

My mom is MY tech support, but I thought I'd tackle this one alone, and I DID IT!! I'm feeling quite proud of myself right now!

Yeah, me.