the big o-one

{I'm treating this one more like a journal entry than a blog post...I guess I've needed to get this off my chest for a while now}

Last year on this day, I was a wreck. You see, I had an OB appointment that morning and found out that I would be induced the next morning. So this was, in my mind, my LAST DAY WITH EMERSON. People kept telling me that she wouldn't be going anywhere, but I was 9 months pregnant and not the easiest person to reason with.

I was excited, anxious, restless, and uncomfortable, and filled with anticipation of what March 19th would bring. Boy, was I ever in for a ride.

I'd be lying if I said that the day of Pete's birth was one of the best days of my life. While I wouldn't say that I was disappointed when he was born, there was definitely a feeling of disbelief. I was broken-hearted, not because my baby boy wasn't picture perfect, mind you, but because I know that life is hard enough without throwing in a physical disability. As a parent, you just hate to see your kids struggle. So being born with a disability, we knew Pete would have a larger share of difficulties ahead, and that made us sad.

{if you're new to the blog and wondering what the heck I'm talking about, click here.}

Between the pain of the epidural not working and the stadol only serving to make me loopy without actually helping me to feel any better AND the shock of hearing "It's a boy!" and "There's something wrong with your baby" in a one minute span, that whole experience was not one I'd wish on anyone. Add to that a squadron of doctors whisking our new baby away for a battery of tests to rule out one syndrome or another (and believe me, syndrome is NOT a word you want to hear in the delivery room), and you have one stressful, nerve wracking day.

Of course, now I have the benefit of looking back a year later, knowing what I know now, and I just want to tell March 2010 me that it really WILL be ok. Pete is one of the most enjoyable people on the whole planet. God gave him a smile and a laugh that would crack absolutely anyone. (I'm contemplating taking him to London and sitting in front of one of those Buckingham Palace guards that stands stone-faced all day. Pete would give them a run for their money, that's for sure.) He's one of the most determined people, let alone babies, that I know, and he's such a hard worker. He's my Bug, and I wouldn't trade a dozen left arms for the Pete that I have been blessed with.

But on March 19th of 2010, I didn't know or feel any of that. On that day, in that moment, it was tough to process.

Not sure what the point of all of this rambling is, other than to get it out of my mind and into the ether. Thanks for listening.